Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Hardest Week of My Life

My Dad
Frederick David (Dave) Alger
Nov. 9, 1947 - Apr. 16, 2012

It's very surreal to me that my Dad is gone.  I saw him there in the hospital after he had already slipped away and I know logically that he has died, but I can't get my head around it.  I keep saying in my head, "Really? He's gone?".  It's weird.  That's the best way I can describe it.  It's just plain weird that your parent is gone and that you'll never see or speak to them again. 

So many things have gone through my head this past week - if only I had known the last time I saw him was going to be the last time... why didn't I invite him to come for Easter dinner?  Did he know how much I loved him?  I know I told him whenever I spoke to him and always said so in emails, but did he really, really, know as he slipped away that I loved him?  I can't live in the past, I know, but grief is a funny thing and it plays strange tricks with your mind. 

I've gone from being hysterical to numb to indifferent to everything in between this week.  You hear all the time, "nothing can prepare you for something like this" and it is SO true.  I had no idea how this would feel and although we all have to go through it, I don't wish it on anyone. 

My Dad suffered from health issues from the day he was born.  And for the past 28 years, since his first heart attack and triple bypass surgery at the young age of 36, he has been living on borrowed time.  My sister and I half expected 'that call' at any moment, but when 'that call' came, I was in disbelief and was not the least bit prepared to handle it. 

This isn't the post I want to write about him and when I'm not so emotionally exhausted I will write about Dad - his life, his laughter, and what he meant to me.  But for now, this post is meant to be therapeutic to me and my way to say thank you to so many people who I could not have gotten through this week without. 

My sister, Bev - my best friend, my confidante, my world. I could not have survived this week (or the rest of my life) without you by my side. 
My son, Brayden - my pillar of strength, my heart and soul in another person.  
My husband, Jason - my rock, the love of my life, my other best friend.

My Mom - you mean the world to me and your love and support give me strength to tackle another day. 
My brother-in-law-Luigi - thank you for everything - you know what I mean. 
My cousin, Maxine - thank you for your spiritual guidance, your love, support, and helping me put one foot in front of the other.  I am indebted to you for making this 'process' easier. 
My Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Bill - your love, support and hospitality meant the world to us this weekend.  
The entire Alger family - My Aunts Caroline, Jean and Martha and my Uncle Gerry, my cousins, and the "Half Dozen" Alger cousins and Auntie Wynne - thank you for being not only family to my Dad, but his friends.  Thank you for your love and support this week. 

My friends - Jenn for your shoulder when I really needed it, Jess and Troy for making the trip and for helping at the reception, and for each and every one of you who called or emailed and have offered your love, kindness and support - it truly has meant so much to me.  I have needed your love, thoughts and prayers this week.  Thank you. 

I am sure I have forgotten some or many, and if I have, I sincerely apologize.  My mind is cloudy and my heart is hurting. 

1 comment :

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