This post is an honest account of sleep – or lack thereof – in my life for the last 6
months and how we have (or have not) been dealing with it. I wrote the first part of this post January
28 and the second a few days later but I decided to post them together. You’ll
probably understand why after reading.
I’m tired. I mean,
really, really tired. $@#^*-ing
EXHAUSTED. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I have not had a full night of uninterrupted
sleep in over six months. I didn’t sleep
well during the last month or so of my pregnancy and dear little Baby O has yet
to sleep through the night.
Oh, I knew there would be sleepless nights and I’d be tired
when he arrived but I truly wasn’t prepared for this. B wasn’t a perfect sleeper and I remember
sobbing while I rocked him when he was up for 2 or 3 hours in the middle of the
night, but that was only occasionally, not
every night. The thing with O is that he doesn’t really
fuss in the night, he just wakes up. A
lot. Every single night, without
fail. Sometimes he is up twice in the
night, sometimes he is up four, five, six times. He is usually only up for 15 minutes, maybe
half an hour and falls asleep pretty easily if nursed. On the rare occasion he’s up for an hour or
more.
I’m starting to lose my mind, quite literally. I sometimes feel drunk because I’m so tired
and I know I am not thinking clearly. I
actually went through the Tim Horton’s Drive-Thru recently and didn’t
order! I just sat in my car with the
window up, completely oblivious to what was going on. I was so embarrassed when I got to the window
and realized what I had done! I am also the first to admit that I am no ray of
sunshine to live with these days.
I have been doing a lot of reading about sleep lately – the
importance of it, how the lack of it and lack of ‘consolidated’ sleep affects
the brain and every baby sleep book out there (The No Cry Sleep Solution, The
Lull-a-Baby Sleep Plan, The Baby
Whisperer, etc., etc., etc.). I have
tried a few of the techniques in these books to no avail. Quite honestly, the exhaustion always gets
the better of me and I give up and just do anything
to get some sleep. That might mean
nursing every hour, bringing O to bed with me, rocking him for an hour,
whatever it takes, really.
To all my readers, please don’t take offence, but I
absolutely dread being asked, “Is he sleeping through the night yet?” and I have actually considered lying. I know people mean well or are just making
conversation, but as a parent it makes me feel as if I am doing something wrong
and as if I’m being judged when I answer, “no”.
Unfortunately, it
seems that society equates a “good” sleeper with a “good” baby and parent and a
“bad” sleeper with a “bad” baby and parent.
I have read many articles on this and I have discussed it in my mommy
groups and I am not alone in my feelings. Well-meaning friends and family members are always very quick to offer
sleep advice too. Fill him up with
formula or cereal before bed. Tried
both, didn’t work. Formula gave him hives and constipated him, cereal and other
solids make no difference. There are all
kinds of studies out there that say that solid foods do not make a baby sleep
through the night. And yes, I’m
sure that you/your sister/mother/cousin/friend let her baby “cry it out” for 3
nights and then he/she magically slept through the night from then on. I know this works for some people, but this technique is not for me, for many
reasons which I will not get in to. End
of story. But I digress.
The week of January 23, just before O’s 6 month birthday, I
hit rock bottom. I was crying at night
while rocking him, sobbing like a baby in the morning, desperate for some
shut-eye and feeling like a failure.
What is wrong with O? What is
wrong with ME? I know I shouldn’t
compare, but of the five babies I know born in June/July 2011 (O, 2 cousins, 2
friends), he was the only baby that was not sleeping through the night. I was so jealous of my cousins’ and friends’
good sleepers and the fact that they themselves were getting rest. It was
time to call in a professional.
I knew there had to be help out there and my Google search
led me to a few different Sleep Doulas and Sleep Consultants. I read over the sites, compared techniques (I
wanted something “gentle”) and emailed for more information, fees, and most
importantly how soon could we get started.
I also posted on the walls of two of my “mom groups” on Facebook asking
if anyone had experience with these doulas and consultants, and, YES, many
did! I received some emails from area
moms that had been in my exact situation and who understood what I was going
through. It felt good to know that I
wasn’t alone, that there is help out there and it does work!
After consideration and comparison I decided to go with a
sleep coach at The Baby Source that one of my mom friends had used and highly recommended. Fortunately for me, Tracy, the sleep coach, was available immediately. Some were
booking weeks or a month or so out!
Obviously I am not alone and this type of service is in demand!
I filled out a sleep questionnaire about O’s current sleep
habits and sent it to Tracy before our 1.5 hour phone
consultation. We reviewed everything on
the phone and came up with a sleep plan tailored for O. In addition to the sleep information, she asked me about O’s temperament, behaviour and habits and classified
him as an “alert” baby. Apparently 40%
of babies fall into this category and a huge percentage of them have a hard
time sleeping.
I felt great about our conversation and was excited, but
nervous, to start the plan that very night.
Quite honestly, I had my doubts that it would work. I thought my baby would be a tough nut to
crack and there’s no way it would be easy.
Written after Night 2 of “Sleep Training”:
Well, it wasn’t easy, but it was a lot easier than I thought
it would be. There are many elements to
the sleep plan that I won’t detail (it is proprietary information of The Baby Source, not to mention I paid for this, so it’s proprietary to me too!),
but it is working!
The first night he was up three times in the night, but had
a sleep stretch of five hours and was able to put himself back to sleep without
any assistance (a huge accomplishment).
Night 2, O was in bed for 12 hours, awake for 1 hour, 7 mins of those 12
(at different times in the night) and had a sleep stretch of 8 hours – his
longest ever! I’m very optimistic that
in a week’s time I will be putting O to bed (awake!), kissing him good night
and not seeing his smiling face till the morning!
Written after Night 3 of “Sleep Training”:
OMG, IT’S A MIRACLE!
At the ripe old age of 6 months, 2 days, O SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT for
the first time! I want to shout it from
my rooftop, dance a jig down the street and high-five every stranger I
encounter! He slept from 7:14 p.m.
until 6:22 a.m. with ZERO wake ups!
None. Nada. Zilch.
I, too, slept more than I have in 6 months and feel like a new woman!
I know that there may be some hiccups in our plan and there
will still be some sleepless nights, but I no longer feel like I’m trapped in a
sleep tunnel with no zzzz’s in sight. I
have the tools I need to help O sleep and more importantly, O has the tools he
needs to put himself to sleep without assistance.
Maybe I could have done this sleep training on my own
without the help of a sleep coach, but the truth is my exhaustion, frustration
and impaired cognitive abilities just weren’t helping matters. Some of the techniques that we have been
using were similar to those in the sleep books I have read, but most of them
were things I had not read about before. And they worked. That is the most important thing. I have no regrets about spending the money or
having to ‘admit’ that I needed help with O’s sleep.
I will sign off here and will update again about our
progress and how we are all doing at a later date. For now, I’m off to dance a jig down the
street!
